Tag Archives: orange

Day 270

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i joined the gym about a month ago and have been going nearly every single day.  since i’m paying for it, i’m going to use it.  needless to say i haven’t gone on my morning walks lately.  except for today.  i had to drop the car off at the dealership for service and since it is less than a mile from our house i walked home.  when i got home i noticed our tiger lilies in full bloom, reaching for the sun.

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Day 158

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good morning. a hard morning.  it was thursday, march 12. my phone rang at 2:30 and i knew immediately what the call was about. my mom called to tell me my dad had passed away.   i have lived the last year almost in dread of march 12. like it was going to happen all over again. i went through the first birthdays, thanksgiving, christmas, without him. now memories of what happened flood back with lightning speed.  remembering how sad i was a year ago makes me sad. people tell me it will get easier. my sister says she survived with therapy and medication. death hurts. sorrow is so painful.  so unfair.

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sunrise from yesterday morning. the clouds are on fire!  ablaze with God’s mercy. i barely slept a wink (and binge watching the show parenthood until 2:30am didn’t help) praying constantly that dad make it through the night.  he did.  it turns out his white blood cell count was skyrocketing and dad’s doctor urged him to call family and say good bye. they gave him a strong drug, as well as the experimental drug and waited. dad wasn’t in pain, and actually slept that night. my mother by his side every minute. the next morning it showed this white blood cell count had actually dropped. not to normal range, but … wow … they dropped!  a miracle that i ask is just the first of many.  dad made it through the night. dad is feeling well today!

when i was a kid my small bedroom had a walk in closet, at one point, that was a comfy place to hide. my mom used this walk in closet for her own clothes.  one day i must have been snooping around because in a cupboard in the closet i found a shoebox of letters handwritten by my dad to my mom.  the letters were written when they in high school and dating. just about every envelope was inscribed with the acronym ‘s.w.a.k.’ – sealed with a kiss.  i admit i read a few letters and it felt like i was spying on two teenagers awkwardly playing out their relationship. i was reminded of that box of love letters today. thinking about my mom watching her boyfriend, turned husband, turned lifelong partner knock on death’s door.  in the last two months i have watched her hug and hold my dad in the hospital bed. her tender love. her tearful prayers. her gentle kisses. no kid wants to see their parents’ public displays of affection, but i relished it.  i wanted that in my own marriage. i was watching two people truly in love.

my prayer is for my mom today. that she is spared from seeing the man she loves fade away.  not now. let it be thirty years from now.  i pray their love is ever more undying. unbreakable.

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wonder held in an iPhone. magnificent colors one late afternoon.

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