Tag Archives: january

Day 118

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going for a walk today on this freakishly warm afternoon.  my bought me these sneakers a month ago and i’m finally using them.

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Day 106

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arise, morning.

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Day 89

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waiting to play

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Day 88

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my husband requested a doctor who scarf. the kind the original doctor wore in those episodes that aired when i was a kid.  the twelve foot kind. let’s do this.

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day.one.hundred.fourteen.

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we are currently in the midst of a ‘historic’ snowstorm here in new hampshire. epic snowfall amounts. crippling blizzard like conditions. i find it mesmerizing and beautiful. pull back the curtains and watch the snow rush by at furious speeds.

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day.one.hundred.eleven.

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sunrise from yesterday morning. the clouds are on fire!  ablaze with God’s mercy. i barely slept a wink (and binge watching the show parenthood until 2:30am didn’t help) praying constantly that dad make it through the night.  he did.  it turns out his white blood cell count was skyrocketing and dad’s doctor urged him to call family and say good bye. they gave him a strong drug, as well as the experimental drug and waited. dad wasn’t in pain, and actually slept that night. my mother by his side every minute. the next morning it showed this white blood cell count had actually dropped. not to normal range, but … wow … they dropped!  a miracle that i ask is just the first of many.  dad made it through the night. dad is feeling well today!

when i was a kid my small bedroom had a walk in closet, at one point, that was a comfy place to hide. my mom used this walk in closet for her own clothes.  one day i must have been snooping around because in a cupboard in the closet i found a shoebox of letters handwritten by my dad to my mom.  the letters were written when they in high school and dating. just about every envelope was inscribed with the acronym ‘s.w.a.k.’ – sealed with a kiss.  i admit i read a few letters and it felt like i was spying on two teenagers awkwardly playing out their relationship. i was reminded of that box of love letters today. thinking about my mom watching her boyfriend, turned husband, turned lifelong partner knock on death’s door.  in the last two months i have watched her hug and hold my dad in the hospital bed. her tender love. her tearful prayers. her gentle kisses. no kid wants to see their parents’ public displays of affection, but i relished it.  i wanted that in my own marriage. i was watching two people truly in love.

my prayer is for my mom today. that she is spared from seeing the man she loves fade away.  not now. let it be thirty years from now.  i pray their love is ever more undying. unbreakable.

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day.one.hundred.nine.

This photo was taken over a month ago when dad was undergoing first round of chemo. My brother had just shaved his head. An obvious sign of cancer. The last few days have been an intense, get-me-off-now, emotional roller coaster. One day there seemed to be little hope, yesterday good news. Today my dad calls me in tears. Tears. How can a daughter handle that? Her dad crying not knowing what not say. Good bye? Don’t let this be your final good bye. Dad asked me to pray that he remain comfortable tonight.  In the morning they may try new drug. I’m praying there are a hundred new mornings for him and then some. image

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