when it rains, it pours. and then it freezes over. we have lived in this drafty, old, on the verge of dilapidated house for eleven years now. it was our first home purchase, at the advice of my parents, shortly after our first year of marriage. it was cheap and the time was right. even if we were not literally in the market for purchasing a home. as newlyweds we were happing playing house in a loft apartment. but, like i said, to the much advising of my parents we signed on the dotted lines and were handed the keys on halloween night in 2003. every day i claim to love the house or hate it. i am sure every home owner has that luxury of feeling the same way. the reason we’ve stayed so long isn’t worth getting in to now, other than to say the opportunity to sell and move has not happened. instead, we endure. live. abide. in this tiny ranch. which is perfect for the three of us. we’ve dealt with leaky pipes, slow draining pipes, chipping paint, scary noises coming from the attic. finally, after eleven years i let my husband convince me to get new windows. no more putting up the dreaded plastic sheets to act as insulation that our windows lack. no more drafts. no more of what you see in this picture. ice on the inside of the house. granted it was at least -25 degrees last night. but it was supposed to be the last night of heat finding a way to escape. we awoke early this morning to move furniture and remove curtains. i was excited to behold new windows. that wouldn’t need a crow bar to wrangle open the storm window. that didn’t have rot on the sills. that were brand new. we waited for the installers to arrive fresh and early this morning. although they didn’t arrive early. they didn’t come at all. i was so disappointed! my heart set on such newness! newness that we are already paying for. where are you?! whoever got the date wrong is up for debate. i still think it was them and they scrambled to make it happen to at least come tomorrow. so. we will get the windows. a day later than planned. but i felt let down. deflated. until i went to to laundry.
we’ve had issues with our eleven year old washer. it doesn’t like to drain, rather overflow and flood the floor. unless i stand there during the cycle and stop the washer every time i hear the water gurgle to the point of over flowing. i have it down to a skill now. but it is a severe pain in the butt. tonight i successfully did a load of laundry, put the clothes in the eleven year old dryer and it stops working. you’ve got to be kidding me. i am not happy. in fact i feel terribly sad. i think i have felt sadness for the last month, but refuse to let it over flow. today i found out that a student of mine lost his grandmother last night. a woman battling cancer and lost. our son did not sleep well last night and so neither did i. although i may have slept a little bit when i crawled into bed with him at 3:30 in the frost bitten morning. another student’s father emailed me today to say that his son is struggling to the point of tears on his homework and doesn’t understand anything. this is not what he is paying thousands of dollars for, now is he, he writes, so why is the boy struggling? (why am i not doing my job, i hear) my dad is slowly recovering from chemo in a hospital that seems millions of miles away. the windows have ice on them. i feel my veins have ice in them i myself and so cold. the washer won’t drain right. the dryer won’t work. the window people didn’t show up. i feel beaten. like i have lost the match. today life sucks.