how can a human body produce so many tears? a constant stream flowing down one’s cheek. non stop. to say goodbye is not an easy endeavor. to remember a life, your father’s life, is cause for celebration. my heart did not have room for celebration today. joy, yes. laughs were shared, but tears were overwhelming. so many people have shared how dad affected their lives. i wouldn’t know where to start. i remember so much. may i never forget.
to begin that point in my life where i now need to remember. there will not be any new memories made with him. to begin the rest of my life without him. without dad. i cannot understand this. i’m even lying here on his and mom’s bed. he will never lay here again. i go into his closet to pick out a shirt or sweater, even his slippers. things he will never wear again.
people talked of his laugh today. a snorty laugh. one i can replicate easily. but a laugh we will not hear again.
i drove by the restaurant he, mom and i last ate in together. the last one. i could barely drive with tears overwhelming.
those words, never again. so cut and dry. so gritty. so final. so harsh. never again will i see him. hear him. hug him. never again.
laying your dad to rest is the most hard thing i could experience. so harsh. but i am grateful my brother and sister and i, along with countless extended family members could share this. share it with mom. how broken must her heart be! God give her peace. allow her to rest. may we all rest. may we remember things we didn’t know existed. may we relish in hope. to live knowing there is hope!