day.one.hundred.sixty.eight.

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how can a human body produce so many tears?  a constant stream flowing down one’s cheek.  non stop.  to say goodbye is not an easy endeavor. to remember a life, your father’s life, is cause for celebration. my heart did not have room for celebration today.  joy, yes. laughs were shared, but tears were overwhelming. so many people have shared how dad affected their lives.  i wouldn’t know where to start.  i remember so much.  may i never forget.

to begin that point in my life where i now need to remember.  there will not be any new memories made with him.  to begin the rest of my life without him.  without dad.  i cannot understand this.  i’m even lying here on his and mom’s bed. he will never lay here again. i go into his closet to pick out a shirt or sweater, even his slippers. things he will never wear again.

people talked of his laugh today.  a snorty laugh.  one i can replicate easily.  but a laugh we will not hear again.

i drove by the restaurant he, mom and i last ate in together.  the last one.  i could barely drive with tears overwhelming.

those words, never again.  so cut and dry. so gritty. so final. so harsh. never again will i see him. hear him. hug him. never again.

laying your dad to rest is the most hard thing i could experience. so harsh. but i am grateful my brother and sister and i, along with countless extended family members could share this. share it with mom. how broken must her heart be!  God give her peace. allow her to rest. may we all rest. may we remember things we didn’t know existed. may we relish in hope. to live knowing there is hope!

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4 thoughts on “day.one.hundred.sixty.eight.

  1. David Pinckney says:

    thank you for these words

  2. Melissa List says:

    Thank you for sharing from your heart, Kari. My heart breaks and yet I will trust that the God of all peace with comfort you and your family today and in the days and years to come. Love and hugs to you all.

  3. Gene Call says:

    I read and respond as just one among the hundreds that Mark’s life touched but feel pressed to do so lest a learning moment be lost for all of us that seek to be Kingdom Builders. First, once again Deb and I offer condolences to all of the family.
    Our local Pastor always challenges us to know our spiritual gifts and employ them as God called us to do to build God’s Kingdom in the vane of that famous line from Purpose Driven Life—“It’s not about you.” We would be remiss if we did not hold Mark up as a shining example in this regard. Mark was a leader in God’s international and universal church—an apostle in terms of spiritual gifts. He also had the gift of giving as many pointed out at his Life celebration Saturday. He had more gifts than most of us and used them all greatly! Administrations, teaching, pastoring, encouragement exhortation, mercy, evangelism, leadership, faith, missionary, wisdom, intercession and helps are those I personally attest to seeing operate in him.
    His dedication to and his love for his wife and ministry partner are also noteworthy—as are Ruth’s own personal gifts and attributes dedicated to God’s service. As Jill pointed out Saturday, Mark and Ruth may not have been absolutely perfect as parents, but they loved/love mightily as parents and pray always for God to reveal and remove those things that hindered Christ like parenting. I can say this based on the times I and Mark discussed and prayed for our kids we cared so much about.
    There is always grief to be experienced when a loved one passes. That need be done. In Mark’s case, something must be added. Those who knew him must recognize that God would appreciate an effort to emulate his obedience to build God’s Kingdom and recognize him as one who clearly gave us an example to follow!

  4. deb says:

    ❤ to you, tonight.

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